When I found out my husband was having an affair I was initially devastated. How could he do this to me after so many years in our apparently happy marriage?

At first I wanted to hurt him in the same way that he had hurt me. My emotions were bruised, my psyche damaged, my confidence and trust had evaporated. But I still valued our marriage. Even after I swallowed all the hurt and spent nights crying myself to sleep, I still decided that I wanted us to be together.

So how to recover after the knowledge that he had had an affair, had slept with another woman?

The first thing to do was to start talking about it. Yes, we argued. Yes, we shouted at each other. And when we did so we uncovered some truths that we had been hiding. We found out how we felt about each other. It was probably the most honest discussion we had had during the whole time of our marriage.

I found out that we should have done it before, not left it until it was too late. I began to understand my husband better, and him about me too. We talked frankly, even though some of the things we said hurt. But it was the truth and the truth sometimes hurts to hear.

I suggested we go for counselling, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “Why should we bare our problems in front of another?”, he argued. I didn’t have an answer for that, but I did find an answer elsewhere. Our salvation was The Magic of Making Up, a book which laid bare what we needed to do to rebuild our marriage. It showed us exactly what we needed to do to get back together again. It was the answer to our problems as I am sure it will be for yours, too, if you find yourself in the same situation.